Loving Bondage and Discipline
Bondage and discipline are part of the spiritual tradition of Christianity, and are reflected in how a loving, all-knowing God guides his followers and instructs them in His will.
8 If people are bound with chains and trapped by the cords of affliction, 9 God tells them what they have done and how arrogantly they have transgressed. 10 He opens their ears to correction and insists they repent from iniquity. 11 If they serve Him obediently, they will end their days in prosperity and their years in happiness. (Job 36:8-11)
As God looks after us, in Christian BDSM, the husband looks after both his wife’s spiritual growth and her physical needs, and the wife submits to her husband for guidance and fulfillment. For these reasons, the husband may find it appropriate to discipline her as needed, in a spirit of love. He disciplines her as God disciplines all of us believers, and as we read in Hebrews, this may smart at the time, but is always for our own good:
5 My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly, or faint when you are reproved by Him; 6 for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and punishes every son whom He receives…He does it for our benefit, so that we can share His holiness. 11 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5-11)
Of course, we are not endorsing any sort of abuse or nonconsensual violence. BDSM is not “wife beating” or domestic violence. There is a huge difference between punishment inflicted out of anger and cruelty by one person overpowering another, and discipline that is meted out with love and reason, gratefully and willingly received. Those who participate in bondage and discipline and sadomasochism do so of their own free will and by mutual agreement, and as with the Dominant/submissive relationship, it takes two to tango. Although it may seem like the person who ties the knots or wields the paddle holds all the power, if BDSM is practiced respectfully and ethically, the power is shared. The husband should always respect the limits of his wife with respect to pain or humiliation, so that he does not inflict any real physical or emotional harm on her.
I admire the self-control it takes to be a submissive lover. To be alert for instructions, to listen to what the other wants in the throes of passion, and transform it into action. To keep going, and going, or change pace at a moment’s notice. To open up and offer one’s body to something painful or uncomfortable, when there’s a conflicting instinct to curl up and protect oneself. To be gentle even while the other is being rough and to give it hard and fast when hard and fast is called for.
Bare Before God Shaving and the Bible
Your body is the Lord’s temple, and to respect that, Christians should always be conscientious about personal grooming. But what about the intimate areas of our bodies?
Spare the Razor?
Many women already wax or trim their bikini line, but question whether they can or should remove more pubic hair than that. Fortunately, we can look to the Bible for guidance:
For if a woman is not covered, let her also be shorn. (1Co 11:6)
The point of bikini waxing is to remove hair that is not concealed by a swimsuit or panties, and this is appropriate for public or semi-public situations like swimming pools and fitting rooms. But if you anticipate revealing more of your intimate parts – that is, if someone (like your husband) is going to see you uncovered (i.e., without underwear) — your genital area should be shaved or at least trimmed closely.
Here’s another biblical passage that addresses the issue of women shaving in the context of intimate relations: “Then you grew up, became tall and reached the age for fine ornaments; your breasts were formed and your hair had grown. Yet you were naked and bare.” (Eze 16:7)
The speaker is praising the attributes of a young woman who is ready to take a husband: as she has come of age into womanhood, she has developed shapely breasts and pubic hair. But in the next verse, she is described as naked and bare. Why would she be described as both naked and bare? Because naked means without clothes, while bare means without body hair. This wording indicates she has had her body hair, including her pubic hair, shaved off.
In some cases, it’s clear that the Lord has not only looked favorably on pubic shaving, but actually imposed it on His people:
…therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and Jehovah will lay bare their secret parts. (Isa 3:17)
So far, we’ve only discussed female shaving, but males were not exempt. In Jer. 49:10, we read: “But I have made Esau bare, I have uncovered his secret places…”
Shaving for Closeness
Going completely bare is a way of being more fully naked before God and before your spouse. By shaving, you are lifting the veil of pubic hair that comes between your spouse and you, and in complete trust revealing the divine creation of your genitals to your spouse’s loving eyes and touch.
Shaving can also enhance the sensuality of lovemaking for both the husband and wife. Freshly shaved areas are very sensitive, and allow more skin contact and sensation. Many couples enjoy the feeling of skin-on-skin during intercourse and find it makes them feel closer.
There’s nothing abnormal or strange about the appeal of this. So wives, if your husband requests that you shave your pubic hair, don’t assume this is a sign that he has some weird kink or fetish. He just wants to appreciate and admire your feminine gifts more fully.
A Clean Shave
As an added benefit for intimacy, pubic hair removal is also conducive to better genital hygiene. In the Old Testament, this was part of a purification ritual: “Have them shave their entire body and wash their clothing. Then they will be ceremonially clean.” (Num 8:7)
Even if you bathe daily, body hair still captures and holds odors, which can be distracting or unpleasant during lovemaking and especially oral sex. Shaving the pubic hair or keeping it trimmed short minimizes this and keeps you fresh for intimate moments, which your spouse will appreciate.
Shaving can also be a way for a newly married woman to show her commitment to her new husband:
“And suppose you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you are attracted to her and want to marry her. If this happens, you may take her to your home, where she must shave her hair, cut her fingernails, and change all her clothes.” (Deut 21:11-13)
A freshly shaved pubic area can represent a fresh start in intimacy. Couples at any stage in their marriage can take advantage of this as a new beginning.
Believe and Be Shaved
The Bible acknowledges that we all have individual variations in genetic makeup and appearance when it comes to the distribution of body hair, and therefore have different needs when it comes to intimate grooming: “And Jacob said to Rebekah, his mother, But Esau my brother is covered with hair, while I am smooth.” (Gen 27:11)
In keeping with maintaining a neat appearance and good hygiene habits, and out of consideration for their spouses, it seems appropriate for both Christian men and women to either shave or neatly trim their pubic hair if they desire.
Keeping this area well groomed is another way that husbands and wives can look and feel their best for each other. And by going completely hairless, they can experience an even closer degree of intimacy, with nothing to come between them as they become one flesh.
BOUND BY HIM- BIND TO HIM
As a submissive wife we must be prepared to understand we are all sexual beings. Men and women are different and sex drive of a man is different from that of a woman. We must be prepared as women to give up and give in to the needs, wants, and desires of our husband. Remember he is the master of the house. He is the head of the House; HOH
You must be ready and prepared to submit sexually to her husband. Remember you are bound to this man he has taken you as his wife at such you are belong to him you are now his property. You are now and forever bound to him and bind by him. Your
body is nolonger your own. It now belongs to your husband. In a loving marriage this gives your husband the freedom and the desire to deliver pleasure and to take pleasure whenever he wishes.
I have begun almost every morning of my married life, with rare exception, no my knees with my husbands cock in my mouth. As his wife, he has dominion over my body and can demand of it sexual gratification when ever and where ever he wants and as his wife I dutifully and joyfully, obey. Coming into the marriage, I was young, and inexperienced and while not ignorant, I was pretty naive. The morning ritual of me on my knees, hands behind me, my husband standing and taking me by the head and hair and using my mouth, was the beginning of my training in sexual submission. And this morning ritual remains today a daily reminder of my place and role as woman and wife.
My introduction of my new life as owned wife was with my clothes. When I moved in to my husbands house and was unpacking my clothes, my husband would take each piece, and say whether I could keep it or not. All my pants and jeans went into the give away pile. Ditto any shoe without at least a three inch heel. Banished were pantyhose, any undies he didn’t think sexy, skirts that were too long, blouses that weren’t tight enough. I put away all that he had decided to keep in this wonderful walk in closet. When I was done, he said he didn’t care for what I was wearing right then, and told me to take them off and put them away as well. I did, and I asked what he wanted me to wear. He handed me a shoe box. These, he told me, would be enough for me to wear for awhile. I opened the box and there were a pair of black patent heels. They’d a five inch spiked heel and a ankle strap that had a little heart shaped padlock that closed it. I put them on and my husband clicked the little locks. My highest heels were four inch and when I did wear heels, they were usually
three inch. so I was a little teetery on those shoes. My husband then pulled close the closet door and again taking out his keys, locked the door. As I stood there, naked but for a pair of heels I could barely walk in and couldn’t get out of, it was that moment when it clicked for me, that I’d not only been physically stripped, but my nakedness and the hobbling nature of the shoes I was locked into, were metaphor to what my life was now become. My husband held all my choices for me, not for just that day, but the next day and the day after, and all the days after.
From that day to this, I have learned and come to accept that what my husband decides for me. Being his property, he gets to choose what pleases him. My choice is to be happy to please him and I am.
We’d talked about me becoming his property. We’d talked about marriage and wives as chattle to their husbands. We’d talked about a woman and her status We’d talked about the relinquishing of freedom and rights and of being defined forever as nothing more or less than what he wished of me. And all the while I was submissive and yearning for more and really felt that i was losing myself into being his. And then we got married. We committed. Stood before friends and family and made solemn promises of love and honor and I to obey. Until death do us part. His forever. But all the talking, all the words, all that desire, mean that I was really understanding of what “forever his” really meant.
I am there 100% and I offer myself to him 24 hours seven days a week. My love in his, my heart is his and my body is his. They are there for him whenever he wishes. My husband knows even when I’m a sleep he can take me sexually. As a wife I know and understand that my husband needs are different from my own.
There’s nothing that he cannot ask of me. For I am his and he is mine; Therefore I will enable a husband that the power because it is his right. Many nights I’ve been awaken by my husband only to find him inside me. There’s never time I am not available to him. And every part of me is available to him.
The Importance of Intimacy in Marriage
Forms or Dimensions of Intimacy
Social. Marriage has a social dimension in which the partners enjoy doing things together and look forward to spending time together.
Emotional. Here the couple is able to share personal feelings, to trust one another, and to feel safe and secure with each other.
Cognitive/planning. Marriage has a cognitive and planning dimension, which includes sharing thoughts about life, making plans together, and discussing goals.
Financial. The fiscal dimension of marriage deals with decisions and actions concerning earning a living, spending money, and managing temporal resources.
Spiritual. Marriage has a spiritual and philosophical dimension that includes sharing spiritual and religious attitudes, behaviors, beliefs, and life experiences.
Intergenerational. In marriage the couple is linked to their families of origin and two extended family relationships. The married couple is a branch on their family trees.
Affectional. Marriage has an affectional dimension in which spouses nurture and support each other emotionally and physically, but not necessarily in sexual ways.
Sexual. Husband and wife share their physical love for each other by sharing their bodies and physically becoming one.
The (Different) Meaning of Physical Affection to Men and Women
Both men and women share the basic need to be intimate with their husband or wife. However, what this means from both a sexual and emotional standpoint is somewhat different for men and women. Boys and girls are socialized and taught differently about affection and being affectionate. Therefore, typically men and women enter marriage with differing beliefs and expectations about giving and receiving affection. Having a basic understanding of such differences is important so that misunderstanding, frustrations, and anger can be avoided. The following generalizations are meant to provide general guidelines and ideas for the marital couple to discuss together.
It’s been said that, typically, men give love and commitment in order to get physical affection and sex. Women give physical affection and sex in order to get commitment and love. It might also be said that men typically hunger for sex while women hunger for romance. Men initially give and receive love to fulfill their physical needs, while women initially give and receive love to fulfill their emotional needs.
Often, women need to feel loved and nurtured before they begin to be aroused and develop desire for sexual intimacy. For women, emotional intimacy is at least as important as the act of sexual intercourse.
Men often need to be sexually aroused before they can truly feel and express love. It’s through sexual activity that men are emotionally and physically fulfilled. Sexual activity often enables men to become aware of their wives’ need for love and emotional support.
Unless partners understand such differences (and others) between men and women, it can be difficult or frustrating for them to find a common ground so that the emotional and physical desires and needs of both can be fulfilled. Understanding each other’s feelings and expectations regarding intimacy (in all its dimensions) and being intimate is the key.